


A Pain in the Ass

by StrawhatsAndDelibirds



Category: One Piece
Genre: Tattoos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 15:56:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14622057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrawhatsAndDelibirds/pseuds/StrawhatsAndDelibirds
Summary: Sometimes the best jokes are the most literal ones.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This piece is a gift for my cousin, who came up with the idea and I think we both forgot about it for a while. It's a birthday gift for her and its fitting because she's basically my sister, my best friend, and a pain in my ass.

It was honestly great seeing Luffy’s crew. He hadn’t really got the chance to get to know them that well yet, but at first glance they already seemed like some characters. Didn’t surprise him much, Luffy always seemed to attract the weirdest fucking cast of people from all walks of life.

 

“Hey Ace! When’d you get those tattoos?!” Luffy yelled, having finally noticed and climbing over his swordsman to see them. 

 

“Watch your hands, Luffy.” The swordsman grunted as he pried rubber fingers off of his lips and out of his mouth. Ace could see why the everyone laughed at him and Luffy when they were kids. It was really funny when it wasn’t you. He would try his best not to laugh. Hiding laughter was a lot easier when he turned away from the scene to show his back.

 

“Got these back when I joined the Whitebeard Pirates. Got Pops’ jolly roger on my back so that I can represent him everywhere I go.” He turned back a little to flew his arm and show that one off. He wasn’t looking at anyone right now, but they were probably nodding all impressed. “Got this one the same time. It’s so I can have a little piece of Sabo with me, no matter what. He was one of the first people to care about me, so I owe him at least this much.” 

 

The second one met with a kinda confused reaction, but that didn’t really surprise him. They just found out today that Luffy had a brother. Getting information from him was somehow even harder than getting him to bathe. He’d make a great spy if it weren’t for the fact he was an ass and an idiot. 

 

“Wow…” Marvelled Luffy. “That’s really sappy, shishishi.” Luffy laughed, ruining the moment. It was like Luffy had completely forgotten that Ace could easily kick his ass. “So where’s your tattoo of my flag?”

 

“Bold of you to assume you’ve earned it yet.” Ace snorted. The spectating members of Luffy’s crew that didn’t give up on having fingers in their mouths ooh’d at the statement. As planned, he see Luffy’s face scrunch up. Just like when they were kids.

 

“Hey I’ve done plenty of cool stuff! Especially lately! Like at least nine things.”  A taunting smile curled across Ace’s face. Sometimes Luffy just made it too easy.

 

“Wow, nine? I think that’s the highest I’ve seen you count.” He might’ve crossed the line there because Luffy’s eyes narrowed as they stared him down. 

 

“At least I wasn’t the one who gave Makino-”

 

“-Luffy, you better not go and say something you’ll regret.” He knew this game. Luffy had learned it after losing enough fights and it was both something he hated and was so proud of his little brother for figuring out. Because while Luffy absolutely could not be embarrassed, Ace was born with shame and this was in fact a battle he’d lose. Judging from look on Luffy’s smug little face, he knew that too. 

“Why? You worried they’ll laugh at-”

 

“-If you want a fight, you know you just have to ask.” While it was unfortunate he was born with shame, it was even less fortunate that his only baby brother in this cruel, cruel world, was born with such a punchable face. It was so lucky that he got those stupid powers and has actually gotten stronger than Ace had ever thought.

 

“Hey Luffy, I just remembered that we still haven’t caught any fish for supper. You should come help me catch some.” The big nose guy seemed to look a little uneasy.

 

“Yeah, I’m sure Usopp could use the help.” The ginger girl said. Come to think of it, he kinda remembered seeing the patch job on the mast. It was usually a bad sign if someone like him could notice the repairs.

 

Luffy gave him a kinda sour look, then dismounted his equally disgruntled swordsman. Luffy’s crew took away his victory and saved him from an ass kicking.

 

“You owe me a fight later!” 

 

“Don’t be in such a rush to get your ass kicked.” Ace snorted back as he watched Luffy, the long nose guy, and the talking raccoon leave the galley. 

 

There was some silence after the door closed, as everyone focused on him. They probably had questions about tons of stuff, probably mostly Luffy. But Ace was pretty sure he had a better idea.

 

“Hey, how good are you guys at keeping a secret?” Probably the wrong thing to ask because that answer is almost always “very good, please go on”. He was met with a bunch of raised eyebrows. 

 

“At least promise you won’t tell Luffy. Trust me it’s way funnier when Luffy doesn’t know.” He got up from his seat and ignored the solid attempt to raise their eyebrows higher. He turned around and lowered his pants just enough for them to see the best joke he’s ever done.

 

And then there was silence.

 

“Why do you have your brother’s jolly roger on your ass?” The cook finally spoke up. 

 

“No that’s the best part. It’s cause he’s a pain in the ass. Just like how getting the tattoo there was a pain in the ass.” And this is the part where they laugh cause it was funny. 

 

But aside from a snort from the swordsman, he got nothing.

 

“Why didn’t you just do you neck? Because he’s also a pain in the neck.” The blue haired girl said. 

 

“Because if it was on my neck he’d see it, and half the fun is that he doesn’t know.” Seriously, his comedy was wasted here.

 

“Now I can see how you’re related to Luffy.” The chef grunted.

 

“Hey if you weren’t Luffy’s crew I wouldn’t have shown you. I don’t just show anyone my ass on purpose.” That’s why he had a belt now. He had some standards.

 

“What’s that other one? ‘Property of-”

 

-He cut of the ginger girl by slamming his hand down over that tattoo. It made a louder sound than intended but the shame of it being seen was worse than the sound of him slapping his ass echoing in the galley. 

 

“That wasn’t the one I was showing you don’t worry about it.” He froze for a second as he heard the faint but familiar sound of flip flops slapping over the awkward silence he had caused. Luffy was coming.

 

He only just managed to pull up his pants by the time Luffy busted in.

 

“IS THERE FIGHTING HAPPENING NOW?!” Luffy yelled as the door threatened to fall off its hinges. 

 

Then the silence was back. This was possibly the worst thing that had ever happened to him. At least socially because these were people he actually kinda gave a damn about and this might’ve been the most embarrassing thing he’s ever done.

 

“Ace you can’t try to seduce my crew to get us all to join your crew. It’s not going to work.” 

 

God he wished he was born without shame.


	2. Chapter 2

Really this should’ve been done a while ago. He had been a Whitebeard Pirate for a while, but between learning to control his powers and the fact that he had a near impossible time holding onto money, he’s had a hell of a time getting around to getting his tattoos. 

But today was the day he finally got the chance to do it. He couldn’t tell if they were here to be supportive, or to be asses the whole time while he couldn’t move, but Marco and Thatch came along too. If they wanted to sit around all day and watch some dude covered in tattoos poke him with a needle a bunch of times then there wasn’t really much he could do to stop them.

“So you’re really going to get your name on your arm, yoi? You know everyone’s just gonna think you spelled your name wrong.” Marco asked while Ace was focusing on no setting his arm and the artist on fire. Thatch elbowed Macro as he barely held back a laugh. 

“It’ll help us the next time he falls asleep in a restaurant and we have to go out and look for him.” He cleared his throat to sound more serious and held a hand up by his head. “Have you seen a boy? He’s about this tall with his name tattooed on his arm but it’s spelt wrong.”

They both laughed, but really they were lucky he was on his stomach and they were out of kicking range. But then again, he might be able to kick them if he used his devil fruit just ri-

A heavy hand came down on his back, narrowly missing the new tattoo on his back. It weirdly kinda hurt, and there wasn’t really much that hurt now that he got his powers. Was tattoo guy using haki on him? How did he know how to use haki?

“Simmer down. If you mess this up you’ll waste both our time.” The tattoo guy grunted. All Ace could do right now was huff.

“Don’t think I’m not kicking your asses later.” 

“Sure, you can try, yoi.” Marco taunted. 

Fuck, was this what it was like to be Luffy their whole childhood? This was bullshit.

Though, thinking of Luffy did give him a plan. If he was going to be like Luffy, he’d just have to think more like Luffy.

“Well that’s not very tweet of you, Marco.” He smirked at Marco, who seemed just the tiniest bit peeved about it, but tried to keep it restrained. 

“Don’t, yoi.”

“Did I ruffle your feathers?” Thatch had to turn away from both of them, his shoulders shaking with barely contained laughter. 

“This is your last warning, yoi.”

“Or what? You’ll beak me up?” Thatch made a painful sounding snorting sound as a few cackles escaped him.

“I will kick both of your asses.” Ace couldn’t get the shit eating grin off his face. It wasn’t like a physical fight that he won, but somehow it felt just as tweet.

“You’re all going to have to wait until you’re out of my parlour. If you even try to start something and wreck the place, don’t doubt for a second that I won’t go straight to Whitebeard.” Tattoo Guy grunted. 

The look that Marco gave him made him almost giddy. It was just so angry and Ace knew that that was something that he did all on his own.

“You are such a pain in the ass, Ace, yoi.” 

He definitely owed Luffy one after this. It was that kind of way outside the box thinking that Luffy used to use all the time that Ace used to beat Marco. Then with sudden clarity, an idea jumped into his head. 

“Oh my god! Tattoo Guy! Can I get another tattoo today?!” He excitedly pounded his hand on the table. 

“Only if you stop moving and pay the extra fee.” This guy was a real champ, and he hoped that he knew that. 

“Great!” He turned his head over to Thatch, who was still trying to compose himself. “Hey Thatch, I need to borrow some money.”

This immediately got him to stop and turn around. He wiped a tear from his eye and looked at him as seriously as he could.

“Ace I’m not lending you any money.” That’s just what he thought. He had better be ready to hear this amazing sell that he had planned. 

“Okay, but I figured out where I wanna put my baby brother’s jolly roger and it’s a really good spot.” Thatch raised an eyebrow at him. “I’m gonna put it on my ass because he’s a pain in the ass.”

Thatch stared at him for a second, then turned his head to look at the floor. Ace heard that quiet, but powerful “fuck” that he mumbled before turning to Marco.

“Hey Marco, I’m a little short on cash after getting those new knives. You should spot me some money so Ace can get that tattoo.” 

“You guys can’t be serious, yoi.” 

“It’s for his baby brother. Have a heart and let him do it.”

Marco stared at both of them for a good long while, before groaning. 

“Fine, but you both better pay me back.”

Ace was actually excited, this might be the best joke he’s ever played on Luffy. There was absolutely no way that he could let Luffy ever know about it. It would be way more fun to watch him squirm. Now there was another reason to get excited about the next time they met. It was mean, but it was the harmless kind of mean.

The moment the needle was off his back, Tattoo Guy handed him some paper and a pencil and Ace scrawled out Luffy’s jolly roger.

“So I need you to put this on my ass.” He leaned back with his good arm, and positioned it where he wanted it.

“And you want it today?”

“Yeah, we’re heading out soon and I wanna get ‘em all done at once.” Ace squirmed out of his pants with his good arm. It was a little hard, but fuck belt buckles, he wasn’t going to let a little piece of metal slow him down. 

“Alright.” Tattoo Guy got to work sketching the outline. This one was going to be tricky, because it kinda tickled and he had to stay still. 

“Didn’t know you had another tattoo, Ace.” Thatch remarked, filling Ace with a deep dread. “ “Property of-”

Ace slapped his hand over it.

“DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT!”

“STOP SQUIRMING!”

“SORRY!”


	3. Chapter 3

It was always nice to land on an island and not be responsible for keeping Luffy out of trouble. It was more hassle than it was worth to even bother trying. Because at the end of the day they all knew that once Luffy set his mind on it, there was no changing his mind. There were very few times were trouble was actually averted. 

 

Luckily, Zoro didn’t have to worry about it. He could just enjoy a nap on the ship for a bit, so he’d be ready for whatever Luffy was going to do later. It was the smartest thing any one of them could do at this point. He’d get the chance to see the town later when Luffy’s trouble came their way. Then he could check it out when they were all getting patched up.

 

But for now he’d just lay back and enjoy his nap as he listened to the bustling in the dock. He’d still be alert in case anyone came their way. Wasn’t like Luffy was the only cause of trouble. Sometimes some bounty hunters came to the wrong ship, and they’d have to kick their asses to remind them not to do that. Sometimes it was more marines than they could handle, and they’d have to gather the crew and get out of there.

 

Nothing eventful was really happening in the dock, but he wasn’t going to let his guard down. Everyone knew that’s when the worst things seemed to happen. He wasn’t a paranoid man, but sometimes fate was a bitch and that was all there was too it. Things had only gotten tougher since they got to the New World, and while they were stronger, he wasn’t about to let fate drop some bomb on him while he was off guard on some port.

 

Zoro became more aware as he felt a nervous energy come onto the ship. When he opened his eye, he had better not see some kid that needed their help to save their island, or that wanted to kick their asses because they’re pirates and want to play hero. He was going to count to three, and then open his eye. And if he saw some snot nose runt he was going to give them one hell of a scare. Because that was the kind of shit that would get you killed one day, even if that day wasn’t today.

 

One…

 

Two…

 

“So don’t get mad. But I might’ve lost Luffy.” Oh thank god it was Usopp. And with an easy problem.

 

“Did you check all the restaurants?” He opened his eye and watched as Usopp’s eyebrow raised judgingly. 

 

“No I’ve been looking in clothing stores and libraries. Where do you think I’ve been looking for him. I have checked every restaurant on this island and he’s nowhere to be found.” Well shit. If he wasn’t eating, he’s causing trouble. 

 

“Alright, how long has he been gone for?” It’d be some sort of estimate for where the hell Luffy could be. 

 

Usopp, who was avoiding looking at him entirely, was quiet for an uncomfortable amount of time. 

 

“Usopp. How long has he been gone for?” 

 

“So it might’ve been a few hours.” 

 

He actually had no words. There was no way Luffy didn’t go out and cause trouble. This was the exact reason why he took a nap earlier. For just this occasion. 

 

“I was trying to find him! What more do you want from me.” Usopp huffed.  

 

“Go get tell the other’s on the ship and then we can work on finding him.” This was probably going to take the whole crew to do. He’d get up and look for more of them in town. 

 

Usopp looked like he had something to say, but instead stopped and braced himself. Zoro had been too caught up in thinking where his captain could possibly be, that he hadn’t actually considered the fact that his captain could find them instead. And now all three of them were on the ground and he was stuck at the bottom of the pile. 

 

“There you guys are!” Luffy beamed, completely unaware that they knew he was up to something, even if they didn’t know what it was. 

 

“Where were you?! I thought we were going to explore the island together!” Usopp scolded, smacking Luffy’s head just enough so it wouldn’t swing back and hit him.

 

“I got a tattoo!” They both looked at him completely baffled. Not even once had Luffy said anything about a tattoo, and there didn’t look like there was anything different on him.

 

“Where?” Was it like a real tattoo, or was this one of those temporary ones. Luffy rolled off of them and bounced to his feet. It must’ve been something pretty great because Luffy looked thrilled with himself. 

 

“I’ll show you, shishishi!” He turned around and pulled down his pants. 

 

Now this was not the first time he’s seen Luffy’s ass. He’s probably seen Luffy’s ass more than any other ass on this planet and this wouldn’t be the last time he saw it. But this time was different because now he was staring at a jolly roger they didn’t recognize. 

 

There was an uncomfortable silence as they stared at it and both tried to piece together who’s it was.

 

“Who’s jolly roger do you have on your ass?”

 

“It’s Ace’s old one! Cause he was my brother and even if he was really cool he was a pain in the ass. And getting this tattoo was a pain in the ass! Shishishi!” 

 

Zoro was taken back over two years ago, when they first met Ace and he showed them his ass so they could see the same tattoo but in reverse on it. And Ace told them not to tell Luffy about it to keep the joke funny. And had Ace still been alive he knew Luffy would’ve told him to do the same thing.

 

Usopp snorted and laughed along with the joke. He hadn’t been in the room to see Ace’s ass. He was completely in the dark. This was the saddest he’d ever felt seeing an ass, and it was a weird feeling. He couldn’t even laugh this time. 

 

“I’m gonna go show Sanji!”

 

“I’m coming with you.” And Usopp ran to the kitchen, with Luffy shuffling behind with his pants around his ankles. Zoro was left on the deck thinking about the two brothers’ asses. 

 

Man. This was the weirdest thing he’s ever been upset about. 


End file.
